Vibrant Copy

“More delicate than Hen’s Eggs – The pears in this gift box have been nurtured through spring frosts, summer hailstorms, autumn winds – and the harvest itself. They’re a scarce commodity, available for only a brief time, with rarely enough to go around.”

A few months ago, my mom sent me a box of Harry & David pears. Included in that box, was a card with eating instructions and boatloads of flavor text, a portion of which is duplicated above. The prose on this card is really over the top, check out this segment:

“Get set to enjoy one of life’s purest luxuries, a hallmark of living well. We call them Royal Riviera Pears – highly prized, extremely rare, truly magnificent. When they are given and received, Royal Riviera Pears bring people together in the tradition of sharing – strengthening emotional bonds and making memories across generations, between families, and among business people.”

Man, who writes this stuff? (Actually, I’ve asked this question to Jen, who works in marketing, who named the person at in her workplace who is responsible for writing these sorts of things.) Moreover, how can I learn to write this stuff? Imagine the possibilities: “Get set to enjoy one of enterprise software’s greatest luxuries: model-driven J2EE performance management…”

Okay, maybe not. But I am putting together abstracts for some Otakon panels that, if accepted, will be printed into the program guide. Sure, virtually nobody reads those things and goes by the 3 word title in the schedule, but if some vibrant copy attracts even 1 or 2 extra people, it should be worth it. If you know where the wiki is, you should be able to find it and give me some feedback. :)